For Myself

"Getting back in shape" has been something that came and went with the seasons with me. My twenties were spent in rather good shape. Of course, in anyone's twenties, they never think they would gain weight. My thirties were a different story. I started gaining weight and refused to see what was happening to me. I stopped being active, stopped going to martial arts classes, no more sports. The extend of my "exercising" was walking at the beach or around a lake. Yes, this is still exercising. But, to go from a very active twenty-something to just walking wasn't going to cut it.

Then, one week, the week of June 15, 2014, my life changed. I went out on a date with someone (no details will be revealed) and the way I felt about myself after going out with him was just terrible. I felt I had gotten to the lowest point of my life (I'm still single, so dating was perfectly normal). Why would I, someone who's a pretty good catch, just 35-ish lbs overweight, need to involve myself with someone as the person I had gone out with?

 The feelings I was feeling about myself, along with my own family medical history, started a change in my inner most person. I needed to feel better about who I am. Not that I wasn't feeling good before. My confidence and my self-worth has always been with me. But, it was a deeper feeling. A mirror held up to myself to reflect back at me what I REALLY thought about myself when I am alone, when I am in the quiet of my own mind palace. My inner most self wasn't happy with the ongoing unhealthy lifestyle I have been living.

 This is all about me now. It's not about looking good for someone else. It's not about having to fit into a dress for a party. It's not about how the world sees me. It's about me and how I feel about myself when no one can see me. Maybe this "wisdom" came with age, maybe it is the result of the two life events I've had this year, I don't know. What I do know is that I am my worst critic and my own motivation. And this has helped me this far.

Since June, I've been working out harder. I'm sure I can spend more time and more energy working out to lose this weight faster. But, according to my doctor, 1 lb a month is the healthy way of doing this.... so that in the long run, I can keep this weight off. Losing weight too fast, of course I knew this, would only mean for a temporary weight loss and I mean to keep this weight off forever. I am nearing my fourties now, I want to go into my fourties healthy and agile and when fifty comes around, I want to still look like I am only in my thirties.

So far, I've gone from 172 in September, 2013 to 179 in March 2014 to 158 now. My goal will not be reached this year, I know that. But, I will reach my goal sooner or later and I am determined to stay at my goal when I get there.